


Letter Therapy

by Jentrevellan



Series: Lyla Lavellan [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blushing Cullen, Cullen POV, F/M, Fluff, JUST FLUFF REALLY, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Varric being Varric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 23:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13375143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jentrevellan/pseuds/Jentrevellan
Summary: Cullen escapes for a quick and quiet drink at the tavern in Haven, but he’s not left alone for long...





	Letter Therapy

  
As I sometimes do when I've a spare evening free, I sit in a corner in the tavern in my plain clothes with a quill and roll of parchment. It's times like these that are few and far between, but tonight I know I need a little solitude as an anonymous writer, sat in the corner of a crowded tavern. Nobody pays me any mind and I'm safe to think I'm not recognised with a hood over my head, my armour discarded.

  
Finally, after sipping my ale, I start a letter to my sister Mia. Not that she will even read it. Like all of the letters I've written Mia over the last few years, they usually end up in the fire to be burnt. I suppose it's some sort of therapy to write down my thoughts with purpose, but even so, I would never dream of sending them. So I glance around, ensuring nobody is paying me any mind and begin:

  
_Dear Mia,_

_It can get cold here in the mountains around Haven, but I'm keeping warm so you don't need to worry yourself. I hope you're doing well and staying away from all the trouble._

  
_I'm writing to you because, well, I'm distracted. I feel that without my lyrium, I'm somehow giving less to the Inquisition. I do not let it show and I do not complain aloud, but some days it is so hard. Is that why I feel these emotions inside of me, like when I was a new recruit?_

  
_Do you remember that mage I had a small infatuation with, back at the Circle? I'm worried it's like that all over again. She's a mage, and whilst I'm not as biased as I once was, I am reluctant and wary. She is … incredible. I am drawn to her, although I pray to the Maker that she does not know it. And yet I am always seeking her approval. It's ridiculous really, as now is not the time.  
But then I think about what you would say. When is ever the right time? I've let duty get in the way of everything my whole life before, could I let this…? No, it's not worth it._

  
_All I'm trying to say Mia, is that there is a woman who is innocently testing my resolve. And I think it's going to get worse before it gets any better-_

  
"Curly! Fancy seeing you here!" I almost jump out of my skin as Varric slaps me on the back.

  
I gape like a fish out of water. I'm searching for words whilst trying to slip the letter I'm never sending up my sleeve. Of all the nights, _she_ is here, in the same tavern with Varric - long legs, tousled blonde hair and searching blue eyes. She is coming over and - oh Maker - she sits opposite, whilst Varric pulls up a chair next to me. She runs her fingers through her hair, and offers me a small smile.

  
"Didn't think we would recognise you, huh?" Varric continues. I am silent, and I know I am staring at Lyla, whose eyes are sparkling with amusement. "You see Lyla? I told you it was him. I remember back in Kirkwall when I used to see him with curly hair!" He leans back and laughs, and I pull my hood up tighter over my head. So that's how he knew - Varric is one of the few people that saw me before I became Commander. Maker take him.

  
"Not one more word, dwarf," I growl.

He only laughs harder, and I feel my face warm as Lyla chuckles too. "I'll get a round to make up for it, okay?" Varric says and heads to the bar before I can object.

  
So, it's just us. Her and me. Me and her. And silence, except for the bard singing by the bar and the drunken crowds surrounding us.

  
I rub my neck, groping around for what to discuss when she says, "what were you writing?"

  
I look at her, and I feel like I've stepped through the frozen lake. Oh Maker, please tell me she didn't read any of it. Maker…

  
"You didn't see it, did you?" I say quickly. I instantly regret my words as a small frown creases her forehead.

  
"No I… I was just curious, is all," she says, looking away.

  
It's uncomfortable, so I venture to be honest. "Forgive me, I was just startled. Varric is not exactly, uh, subtle."

  
She drums her fingers on the table, still not looking at me. "It's okay, I can leave if you like-?"

  
"No, no, please stay, it's fine," I say hurriedly, and I'm rewarded with a small smile, tugging the corners of her lips. "I was just writing a letter to a, er, friend," I supply. Why couldn't I say sister? Nobody knows I have family, so the lie comes naturally.

  
"A friend?" she repeats, in a tone of disbelief.

  
"Yes, just someone… a friend I know…"

  
"Oh… a special someone?" Her head tilts to the side.

  
"Yes - I mean no, not like that."

  
"So someone special, but not that special?"

  
"Maker's breath," I mumble but her eyes sparkle with amusement. "I'm sorry, I was writing to my sister."

  
"There, was that so hard?" she says softly and holds my gaze. I can't help but wonder if she has any idea the hold she currently has over me.

  
"How did you… how did you know-"

  
"You were making things up?" she finishes and I nod. "You look upwards just before you lie."

  
I am stunned. I didn't even know that about myself. Am I really that obvious? She really does have a hold over me. Andraste preserve me.

The bard is singing louder, and I'm struck by how apt the lyrics are…

  
_"Enchanter, Come To Me_

_Enchanter, Come To See_

_Can-a you, can-a you come to see,_

__

_As you once were blind_

_In the light now you can sing?_

_In our strength we can rely,_

_And history will not repeat."_

  
Thankfully I see Varric return from the bar with three tankards of ale in his arms, weaving his way through the busy tavern. But my eyes slide to meet with Lyla who, this time, is the one to blush and look away. Wait, did she blush? I'm staring, I know I am, but underneath her delicate Dalish tattoos, her cheeks really do look redder.

  
"So!" Varric says dramatically, as he falls into his seat next to me. "What brings the Commander of the Inquisition to the tavern without his armour?"

  
"Believe it or not, I was after a little solitude," I say, accepting a tankard.

  
"Solitude? You know this is a tavern, right?" Varric snorts. "A public place? Lots of people..."

  
"Yes, a tavern where I'm not recognised. Hence the cloak."

  
"Heh, it's gonna take more than that to stop people recognising you, Curly."

  
I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Please don't call me that."

"What, 'Curly'? How about 'Commander Curly'?"

"Commander is fine, thank you." I take a large gulp of ale. I am torn - I want to be in her company, and be worthy of it, but Varric's torture is tiresome tonight and I think of my warm bed underneath the Chantry, calling to me.

  
"I wish people wouldn't call me 'Herald'," Lyla says unexpectedly. Both Varric and I look at her.

  
"But that's what you are to people. Just as I am 'Commander', and Josephine 'Ambassador'."

  
Lyla takes a sip of ale, before placing the tankard carefully on the table. "Perhaps its a human thing, being obsessed with titles... but my name is Lyla. Just as your name is Cullen," she says softly.

I feel a thrill down my spine. She said my name, and I find I'm entranced by the way it rolls off her tongue, with her small and subtle Marsher accent. Something about her saying my name shakes me awake, and perhaps her too, as she stands abruptly.

  
"I should go. I'm leaving for Redcliffe tomorrow."

  
She is gone before I can even say goodnight. Varric is looking at me.

  
"What?" I demand.

  
The dwarf smiles into his tankard. "Oh, nothing. Just had a great story idea pop into my head."

**Author's Note:**

> I just enjoy Varric sometimes.   
> I also like to headcanon that Cullen writes to his sister often but never posts them.   
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are loved <3


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